My kids are happy when they cook. They become noticeably creative, are bold to try new things. are willing to put in work now to enjoy something later, love sharing a world with me, we always end up laughing; it works for us. If an activity either 1) makes life better for the family, 2) instills skills or values that are important for our family, or 3) is fun, then we do it. And so, I cook with my kids.
Makes Life Better for our family
Cooking together has become one of the biggest tools in my ‘parenting toolbox’. My son was going through a pretty shaky time emotionally this past month. A tried and true way to get him back to feeling in control of himself is to ask him if he wants to soak some beans. He runs to the kitchen excitedly, gets a bowl, climbs on the counter to get the rajma down, pour the beans into the bowl, takes a cup of water and pours until the beans are covered, then spends about 10-15 minutes “washing” the beans (swirling his hands in the water and feeling the texture of the beans). Then, he puts the bowl on the counter and sops up the water that has inevitably spilled all over the floor. The loss is about ½c of water, 1 towel, and if I didn’t strip him down to his underwear, maybe a wet shirt. The gain is that during a turbulent time, he had an outlet. I sat and drank some tea while watching him play instead of getting frustrated, gaining some energy for the day still to come. Some call it sensory play and post fancy pictures of it on Pinterest. I call it a savior. My son just calls it fun. Later he helps me fill the pressure cooker, plop some garlic and onion in with the beans, and of course put the weight on top (a favorite job). We count the whistles, and then we have rajma (kidney beans) for dinner that night. He goes to bed accomplished and well fed. I go to bed a little less stressed than I otherwise would have been.
Instills skills and values that are important for our family
Problem solving is a skill that we often cheat our children of. We think because they are small, they cannot do things for themselves or figure out solutions. In fact, children are exceptionally patient to solve problems for themselves if given a bit of guidance and plenty of space to experiment (read: fail). My daughter loves to help me roll chapattis, and she’s actually quite good at it now. I have her pinch off her portion, roll it in her hands, then she sits on the floor and rolls it out, always finishing with “polka dots” by way of the end of the rolling pin. The first time she tried, the dough stuck to the wood and she panicked. She put on her whiny voice until I turned around and I could see she was very frustrated. I said, “Is your dough sticking to the wood?” *my 18 month old shakes her head “yes”* “Instead of getting upset, you could do what mama does when her dough gets sticky. Do you want me to show you?” *shakes head* I then dredge some dough in more flour and roll it out. I now put a small bowl of atta next to her so that she can add more when it gets sticky–she not only doesn’t ask for my help, she refuses it when I try. Sometimes I help her move her hands across the dough so she can feel where it is too thick and where it is thin. It is so sweet to watch a 2 year old gently scanning the top of rolled out chapatti to see if it is just right. She is always excited to eat her chapatti when I’ve finished cooking it. They end up only slightly more misshapen than mine, which says something about both our chapatti rolling skills. Letting our children learn to problem solve is not about lifting our burden (though it does help), it is about raising empowered children who don’t panic at the first sign of trouble. These are the children who will be able to navigate life’s hard seasons because they aren’t depending on the perfect scenario. Who doesn’t want their children to feel empowered and capable?
Creates Fun
I should put, “saves the day”. Any of you with small children know how suddenly (and frequently) the day can go downhill. It is essential as a parent to have many points during the day where a reset happens. Cooking is often that reset for us. Waking up from naptime can be rough for my kids. What I often do is grab a quick snack (fruit, leftover chapatti) for them to munch on while I collect veggies to prep for dinner. They grab a bowl for veggies + a bowl for scraps. We sit on the balcony while I chop, they finish their snack, wake up positively thanks to a bit of sun and breeze, and always end up helping me sort and collect the veggies from the scrap at the end. By the time we are finished we have laughed multiple times over them stealing a bite of green beans or sticking a capsicum in their mouth to look like teeth or pretending to put the scraps in the wrong bowl in order to elicit a funny response from me. Cooking often helps to keep the mood light in our house and somehow it makes us sing more, mostly because it makes us stop and be together I think. Of course there are the obviously fun cooking times: cutting fun shapes in our chapatti, trying to spread hummus to look like a letter or a face, and throwing a chapatti frisbee together in the kitchen. But really, most our fun is the simple kind of fun. The kind that elicits small grins and happy hearts from kids who really relish in the pure, simple times with me where I welcome them into my space and am pleased with who they are, and they revel in that.
The socio-emotional, physical, cognitive, and linguistic boons of cooking with your kids exist in spades and have been documented. For me, they just confirm what I already know: cooking with my kids makes my home happy, and that is enough reason for me to do it.
coming soon: How to become someone who cooks with kids
Till then
Happy Parenting.
Courtney Miller.
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Courtney Miller is an American living in Chennai for the last 6 years. She is mother to a 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter, both of whom prefer sambar and rice to pizza. She is also a certified lactation educator and passionate advocate for making motherhood a happy experience.
The Yearling House 