Montessori at Home: A Parent story

I first heard the term “Montessori” when I was in college doing research on educational reforms! Little did I know that someday I would actually be “implementing” this beautiful concept at home for my little toddler! And I’m so glad and thankful that I did.

I started using elements of Montessori when my son turned 12 months. I wish I had started much earlier. So if you are still not sure when you can start Montessori for your child, you know the answer now!

I get this question asked a lot – “What exactly is Montessori and how do I include it at home? Is it expensive?”

So my simple answer to this is, “Montessori” is not just a method of learning or an education system – it is “life preparation”.

Sleep Training: Don’t Do It.

Even before my baby was born, I’d done plenty of research on babies and I was confident I knew all there was to know about sleep. Don’t co sleep all the books said, because it will spoil your baby. So I didn’t. My baby had his own crib in his own room. Don’t comfort a baby when he cries they said. Wait it out. Let him learn to self soothe. So that’s what I did starting at about 6 months of age. And as they all said my baby cried for an hour the first night. I stood there fingers stuffed in my ears, tears running down my cheeks repeating to myself ‘Sleep training is important! He HAS to learn!’. I wish I’d stopped to ask myself why a 6 month old needs to learn how to soothe himself when his mom is right outside.

A few nights into the process the crying stopped and I was hopeful that my ‘training’ had worked. It did. For a few weeks. Then my baby fell ill. And all the training went down the drain. I couldn’t let a sick baby cry so I rocked him and sang to him and spent several nights lying down to sleep next to him. I remember thinking ‘this feels nice.’ But I was also worried that this would undo all the progress we’d made with sleep. It did. My baby had once again realized the comfort of his mother’s arms and when we tried to sleep train again once he got better, he wasn’t having any of it. He would scream harder and louder and my heart, which I’d hardened last time, began to crack. Was this really necessary? And would I have to do this every time he fell ill? Because the one thing everyone knows about babies is that they fall ill all the time. Add to that teething and sleep regressions and that leaves a tiny number of days when the sleep training could even work. And each time you’d have to do it over and over again. I was so confused.

Two things happened around this time that finally made me give up sleep training. First I joined a group of supportive moms on Facebook and their babies weren’t sleeping all night either. They helped me realize that our expectations are way too high when it comes to sleep and that it is developmentally normal for babies to wake up every few hours and to need to be nursed or rocked or patted to sleep. It made me wish I’d met them earlier when I was brainwashing myself to believe that my baby needed to sleep independently at the ridiculously young age of 6 months. Secondly, my baby started saying a few words and when I’d leave him to cry he would call me by screaming ‘Amma’ or ‘Maa’. All the books had told me he was crying to release tension before going to sleep, that he wasn’t really distressed but just complaining. False. My baby wanted ME and he knew it. I could no longer ignore his cries. I stopped trying to sleep train him and just decided to go with the flow.

And half a year later I’m happy to say that we are doing okay even though my baby doesn’t put himself to sleep and even though I don’t sleep 8-10 hours every night. There are days when all I need to do is rock him for a couple of minutes and he dozes off. And there are nights when we’re up for hours trying to make sure we get some sort of rest or sleep and failing. It is often frustrating but that’s how life with a baby is. I can’t restrict my love and comfort only to his waking hours. I parent round the clock and that includes night time. I only wish I’d learned this lesson sooner.
So for those of you want to sleep train, my only advice is ‘don’t do it!’ It doesn’t work and is needlessly cruel to both mother and baby. Forget everything you’ve read or been told and go rock your baby to sleep. Trust me, youwon’tbedoingitforever.

Aparajita Karthik

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We would like to thank Aparajita for sharing such a sensitive story on our blog. You can follow her blog here and her youtube channel here. Parenting is always a work in progress and we should never forget to learn lessons from our past mistakes. Read our blog on normal sleep development here.

Baby Sign Language: Pre-speech Lifesaver.

Using signs or gestures with infants who are not yet speaking is such a life-saver. The idea is to have a line of communication established to reduce frustration and ensuing meltdowns. Lets quickly look at how to get started with using baby signs.

Communication exists from day 1 when the baby is able to express his needs via his crying and facial expressions. Language develops after a few months when babies start to use complex integration to convey meaning like looking at the object you are talking about, understanding simple instructions like”come here” or “no”. Speech is the last to develop and it requires enough databases of sounds associated with objects and actions of daily use. This is when the child starts using sound combinations consistently to represent entities. Eg: “pa” for water.

Communication: The word classically represents exchange of an idea from one person to another. Gestures, sounds, pictures, body language, facial expressions, speech and the written word are all ways to communicate.

Language: It is a system of communication utilizing symbol systems with specific rules of use. They may be verbal (any spoken language) or non verbal (sign)

Speech: This means a vocal combination of sounds patterned on the basis of a meaningful vocabulary.

What does baby sign language mean?

Sign language is a way to expressing using hand and finger combinations.

There are several types of sign languages, mostly according to the country of origin. We are going to talk about signs from American Sign Language (ASL) here. But remember since we are using signs as a form of communication till speech develops, none of these signs have to be followed perfectly. You can design your own sign as most of the communication has a cultural and familial context.

When can you start?

Typically babies get vocal (apart from cooing) around 6-8months. You will also notice that they are showing preferences in their daily routines, like looking for their favorite toy or book, getting excited when you start changing because they know they are going out or playing with food during meal times. This is the ideal time to start using sign. Now brain processing is shifting gears. Information is being analyzed for its use rather than just whether it’s safe or not. The baby can actually understand the need for a bilateral flow of communication rather than just meeting of basic needs. The arm and finger movements needed to learn the signs are not developed enough before this time as well.

Quick checklist: If your baby is doing any of these, you can start.

• At least 6 months old
• Pointing to objects
• Bringing toys to parent for a response
• Waving bye-bye or clapping
• Shaking head for yes/no
• Frustrated because he is not understood by you
• No words for important things yet

How to get started?

1. Download and print a chart you want to use. Or you can find signs individually of Google and make your own chart. If you are planning to make your own signs, I suggest you take a photo and put it on the chart.
2. Put up the chart where it is visible so all caregivers are able to follow the signs. CONSISTENCY
3. Start with signs that indicate abstract like help or more. I feel that kids learn to point to objects they need but abstract feelings are hard to express. If your child is older and can manage some easy ones, you can start with other words that are essential in everyday life like milk, eat, play etc. SIMPLICITY
4. In the beginning, after you sign the word (also say it while signing), move your child’s hands in the same motion so they are learning too. MEMORIZATION
5. Repeat, repeat and repeat again. Your child will eventually start signing back. On an average, a 9 month old exposed to signs will sign back in 2-3 months consistently. Please note: this is average- your child may need less or more time. REPETITION
6. Your child may modify a sign as they start to get involved in the process. Let it be fun and follow your child’s lead. CREATIVITY
7. Till speech is fully developed, signing will not replace speech if you are enunciating words with sign and having your child at least attempt to make a similar sound back. ASSOCIATION
8. If the baby shows even an attempt to sign, immediately praise and react accordingly. REINFORCEMENT
9. Once the child is talking, signing will automatically fade away (unless you are attempting your child to be bi-lingual with sign) PATIENCE

Benefits of baby signing:

1. Makes life easier by reducing communication frustration and tears.
2. Gives the child a basis of what communication entails.
3. Gives them a path to follow when speech comes in.
4. A quick check of how your child’s brain is developing its communication pathways.
5. Evidence-based way to actually kick starting language development. It is shown that vocabulary of signers was better than non-signers at 2 years.
6. A huge emotional support for the children themselves to be able to get their needs met with the drama.

How to check progress?

• Your baby will start using at least gross signs and have fewer frustrations while communicating.
• They will look for the object if you occasionally just sign without words (this would be a one-off event. Please make sure you are always talking and signing)
• Baby will imitate signs back

 Here  and here are two links to a chart with some examples of baby signs. Remember, these are just guidelines. Improvise to what suits your baby’s needs and abilities.

There are more charts and pictures on this site to use for your own charts.

By making signing fun and a part of your song and dance routine, children will pick up signs faster and lay the foundation for language. Till then..

Happy Parenting.

Puja

5/1/2015